Useful Tips

Taking a child centered approach to your family’s separation helps alleviate some of the negative consequences that comes with the changes that follow. ‘Child centered’ means that parents use strategies for communication and decision-making that is focused on the best interests of their children. They try their best to block out negative feelings towards an ex-partner (adult issues) and concentrate on how best to transition the children into the new routine. This approach recognizes that although the marital relationship has broken down, the parental relationship continues and that there is value with both parents being actively involved in the children’s lives. This is not always easy. Most couples are separating for various reasons – poor communication being one, but if parents frame their decisions and reactions in a child-centered approach, their way of handling things can improve. Children respond and react to stressful/uncertain situations. Children need to know what is happening to them and how their lives are changing (i.e., living situations, seeing each parent, school, etc.). They don’t need to know all the adult issues, just what is important to their lives. 

January is divorce season – typically more divorces happen during this month than any other month during the year. There are many resources and organizations that help educate parents on how to use a child-centered approach. One such group is National Child-Centered Divorce Month – which has now gone global and has reframed its focus to international education/resources. This transition is timely – International Child-Centered Divorce Month is teaming up with world wide experts to provide advice and insights on how to best support children during this transition.

Christmas and New Years is fast approaching. It is a time when family and friends get together to celebrate and make plans for the upcoming year. Unfortunately, some families are not spending the holidays together as years gone past. For some, they are newly separated and/or divorced and for others, they have adapted to their new family situations. Regardless, all families need to plan for the holidays. Holidays can be stressful in the best of times, so when conflict over who gets the children and when, how will the gifts be chosen and paid for, and how parents come to an agreement about the holidays poses increased anxiety and uncertainty for some. The good news is that families can still enjoy the holidays despite what their new family looks like.  

There are plenty of books about separation and divorce on the market. So how do you pick and choose which ones to read? We have found two books that have been useful in our family law practice. You can find more useful books on our Resources[sitetree_link id=87] page where we have created a 'Reading List' for children, adolescents, and adults. 

Divorce is one of the most painful experiences of adult life.  Most people will experience pain, grief and other strong and uncomfortable emotions following separation. Support from family, friends and co-workers can help ease the difficulties you are going through. It is helpful to recognize the difference between sympathy (‘you poor thing’), empathy (‘I know exactly what you are going through, let me tell you about me’) and acceptance (‘how can I help and support you?’).  Sympathy and empathy are like eating a piece of chocolate.  They make you feel good for the moment, but the feeling doesn’t last.  Friends and family who offer acceptance are more likely to have a positive long term impact on how you are doing. 

Ontario leads the way with healthier options for divorcing couples:

Harvard law and business professor supports the Collaborative Practice approach:

Divorce is bad for business.  It’s a well known fact.  Businesses can suffer significant losses because of divorce litigation.  Here are a few reasons why:

Clients tell us that their top three reasons for choosing collaborative divorce over litigation are: 

Divorce is painful.  There are ways to make the process easier.  Here are my top five tips: