News » Finding the right support

Divorce is one of the most painful experiences of adult life.  Most people will experience pain, grief and other strong and uncomfortable emotions following separation. Support from family, friends and co-workers can help ease the difficulties you are going through. It is helpful to recognize the difference between sympathy (‘you poor thing’), empathy (‘I know exactly what you are going through, let me tell you about me’) and acceptance (‘how can I help and support you?’).  Sympathy and empathy are like eating a piece of chocolate.  They make you feel good for the moment, but the feeling doesn’t last.  Friends and family who offer acceptance are more likely to have a positive long term impact on how you are doing. 

You can also support yourself by doing a few simple things.  Start by noticing how you are feeling. Don't forget that you might not 'need' anything, beyond accepting that you are feeling - sad, mad, glad, afraid. Can you remind yourself that such feelings are normal? That you'll get through this?  If that isn't enough, if the feelings are urging you toward taking actions that you know you will later regret, you may need more support. Search out shared stories of other people’s experiences and what helped them.  There are lots of great books, articles and blogs available online.  Most people find that even one or two sessions with a psychologist or counselor helps to set them on the right track.